Learning to ask for feedback and turning criticism into opportunities for growth

It was Kurt Lewin, the German psychologist, who coined the term feedback in the 1940s. He used it to both study group processes and as a tool to modify behaviour. However, the term does not come from sociology, but from the flow of information in automatic systems such as the rockets of World War II. Thanks to this information, rockets could rectify their course in real time.

Today, for some, feedback may evoke fear or discomfort. But it can become an opportunity to improve and grow.

What will I read about in this article?

The challenge of giving and receiving feedback
The paradox of the feedback culture
The Johari Window and the feedback culture

The challenge of giving and receiving feedback

Feedback culture is, by nature, a complex thing. Although it may seem like a simple interaction, it actually touches those sensitive fibres of our human instinct. Why do we find it so difficult to give or receive it? The barriers aren’t just practical, but also deeply psychological and emotional.

Fear of conflict

One of the most common reasons for avoiding feedback is fear of the unknown. Often, imagining the other person’s possible reactions prevents us from speaking honestly. The thought of provoking a confrontation or hurting sensitivities can be enough to make many prefer to remain silent.

Desire for acceptance

As social beings, our instinct to belong is powerful. Acceptance by our environment ensures our survival in emotional terms. Criticising, or even accepting criticism, can be perceived as a threat to our connections with others, hence we

avoid risking discomfort.

Short-term mentality

Maintaining superficial harmony often outweighs addressing real problems. We think of the immediate advantages of avoiding a potential conflict, ignoring that in the long term this decision may limit personal or collective growth.

The paradox of the feedback culture

Authors such as Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone have explored this resistance to feedback from a different perspective. In their book Thanks for the Feedback , they describe a paradox that defines this internal struggle.

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On the one hand, we value feedback that gives us new perspectives and helps us grow. We want to improve, to be the best version of ourselves. But on the other hand, we long to feel that we’re accepted as we are, with our strengths and weaknesses.

Overcoming these barriers begins with a change in the way we view feedback. Instead of seeing it as a threat, we can learn to see it as a tool that can drive both our development and our relationships with others. Recognising that personal and professional growth does not exist without discomfort helps us to embrace the feedback culture.

“Recognising that personal and professional growth does not exist without discomfort helps us to embrace the feedback culture”.

**The Johari Window and Feedback Culture**

Self-knowledge is one of the fundamental pillars for personal and professional growth. However, understanding ourselves fully can be a challenge. This is where the Johari Window comes in, a model developed by psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham in the 1950s, which helps us understand how we perceive and are perceived by others.

The four quadrants of the Johari Window

This model is divided into four areas or “windows”, each representing different aspects of our personality and behaviour:

Open area: This is the part of our identity that is known both to ourselves and to others. It includes information, skills and behaviours that are visible and easy to recognise. This quadrant is the ideal one to expand, as it promotes transparency and trust in our relationships.
Hidden area: This is where everything we know about ourselves resides, but prefer not to share with others, whether out of fear, shame or desire for privacy. Reducing this space can help generate authentic connection and honesty with those around us.
Blind area: This is the space where our “blind areas” are located, aspects of ourselves that others notice, but of which we are unaware. This is where feedback culture plays a crucial role, giving us the opportunity to discover what we cannot see on our own.
Unknown area: Represents what neither we nor others know about ourselves. It’s uncharted territory that may reveal itself through new experiences, deep reflection or even unexpected feedback.

The role of feedback in window expansion

Feedback becomes a key tool to expand the open area by decreasing the blind area. For example, when a colleague points out how our tone of voice affects the dynamics of meetings, it provides us with information we were previously unaware of. This revelation, although sometimes uncomfortable, allows us to adjust our behaviour and improve our interactions.

Similarly, when we share aspects of our hidden area with others, we promote transparency and enrich our relationships, which increases mutual trust.

This not only strengthens personal connection, but also enables teams and organisations to work more effectively and cohesively.

Fostering self-knowledge for growth

The Johari Window reminds us that we cannot navigate this journey alone. The culture of feedback, coupled with a willingness to explore our uncharted waters, brings us closer to the ideal of a more conscious and fulfilled life. Reflecting on what we learn from others puts us on a continuous path of growth and self-discovery.

Consciously working on expanding our open area is much more than an exercise in introspection; it is a commitment to our development. By reducing blind and hidden areas, we become better positioned to face challenges, build authentic relationships and achieve our best selves.

Receiving and giving feedback is no easy task, but the benefits it offers far outweigh the challenges. From dealing with emotional and psychological barriers to recognising the immense value it brings to our development, feedback is a powerful tool for growth. More than criticism, feedback is the bridge to a future of constant improvement.