Everything starts and finishes in language, and reality changes according to the way we express ourselves. This is particularly applicable in a hyper communicated world, in which words and images fill everything and the need to describe and define things is constant. Social media encourage us to announce our accomplishments continuously, and to hide our darker personal moments. It is quite common for us to end up feeling insufficient, and sometimes we beat ourselves up because we haven’t made a greater effort, or punish ourselves for not having achieved what we set out to do.
This comparison and frustration ends up permeating the language we use, and such everyday expressions as “it’s fine but it could be better”, or “next time I need to organise myself better” end up having an undesired impact, with consequences that are much more real than one would think. So, learning to speak to ourselves well has become a skill that needs to be cultivated if we want to go far... and get there in good shape.
What am I going to read in this article?
The Spanish philosopher and essayist Ortega y Gasset said that “life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but of what we aspire to be”. The desire and the will to get to where we want to be drives everything we do, and these mark our lives on the personal and - naturally - professional level. However, placing too many demands on ourselves can have a counterproductive effect on us and our development, harming our well-being, our mental health and, of course, our performance. So, we not only need to take care of the objective, but also the process, starting with something as seemingly simple as the language that we use to describe it.
Using terms as common as “I have to” or “I should”, as opposed to “it’s appealing” or “I want”, can condition how we behave and how we function in the world. The philosophy and psychology of motivation have studied what makes us behave as we do, and it is surprising to see that the way things are presented to us has a lot to do with our success in dealing with them. In the second half of the 20th century psychologists like Abraham Maslow and David McClelland carried out research into basic human needs, and how personal motivation can be trained in order to live a full life. Through theories such as Maslow’s hierarchy of needs or McClelland’s motivation need theory, science started to examine how we can motivate other people (and also ourselves) to fill our lives in the most satisfying way.
Using terms as common as “I have to” or “I should”, as opposed to “It’s appealing” or “I want”, can condition how we behave and how we function in the world.
In the present world of social media and excessive exposure, constant comparison and the proliferation of content that only shows the pleasant side of things can lead us to normalise low self-esteem or intrusive thoughts like “I should be there too” or “I must have done something not so well as others if I don’t possess this particular article”. It is important to be aware that not everything we see is real, and to act accordingly, holding back these thoughts and redirecting them to a more beneficial and enjoyable discourse with ourselves, which, incidentally, is also likely to fit into reality better. As the psychologist Pilar Sordo says: “Internal dialogue is an incredible tool for self-awareness and self-care,” especially in a world where we seem to prefer to highlight the negative rather than the positive.
A work environment in which workers feel motivated and treated well helps to improve their performance and develop skills such as the ability to improvise and have an adaptative mindset, as a recent study shows.
Good leadership is about being able to direct people’s work, true, but also about treating personnel in the right way. A humanistic leader is one who understands the different realities with which he or she works, who tries to make him/herself understood and to listen to personnel through dialogue, as if it were an authentic platonic dialogue.
Indeed, a simple readjustment of thinking can radically change our everyday activity and our productivity. It is not the same to do something because we consider it as an obligation, or for fear of the consequences if we do not do it (negative motivation), than to do it in the search for a positive reward, which can come from our boss or, quite often, ourselves (positive motivation). If the motivation is positive we will learn to see the sense behind what we do, not through fear or seeking external validation, but rather aligning it with our purpose and our own life, thereby ensuring full satisfaction.
A simple readjustment of thoughts can radically change our everyday activity and our productivity.
This also means that we accept ourselves as we are, with our mistakes and our changes of direction. Basically, it is about giving ourselves a break, which can radically change the way in which we deal with unexpected situations and help us to go forward. Quite simply, when we are asked a question for which we do not have an answer, we can choose between two possible responses: “I should know, but I don’t” or “I don’t know, let me look it up”. The use of just a few different words leads to totally opposite results: in the first answer there is frustration and very few results, while in the second, we will learn something and start out along a new route in our own development.
Dalia Alonso holds a degree in Classical Philology from the University of Oviedo. Her writing reflects a thoughtful approach to major social and business challenges. She is currently an editor at Ethic magazine, where she covers topics such as leadership, productivity, and social and workplace transformation. She has also worked in strategic communications and storytelling for various organisations, helping to craft narratives that resonate with corporate values.